You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
