five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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