i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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