Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
