When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
