I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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