just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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