she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
