Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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