gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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