i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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