the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
