mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
