I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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