Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
