If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
