these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
