OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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