his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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