pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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