i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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