remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
