After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
