if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
