dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
