Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think your dad took our porno
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
