This is not my ceiling
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
