why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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