is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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