spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
well you can't waste a boner
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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