I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
