I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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