apparently the secret to your success is patron
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
