Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
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the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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