I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
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Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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