Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
