The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
