Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
