mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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