I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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