Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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