She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My vagina is officially offended.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
