It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
