belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
