All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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