Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I will be naked everywhere
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
