; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
