i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
