my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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