Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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