my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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