looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
