Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
