can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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