I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
