I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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