Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
