i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
