Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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