Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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