She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
