Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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