I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
