I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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