return my video game
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
