Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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