Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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