Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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