I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so let's talk penis.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
